What exactly is Abstinence?
People have different ideas of what abstinence means, but the most common definition is waiting to have sex (vaginal, anal, and oral sex) until marriage. Some people define abstinence for themselves as waiting for a predetermined time. This could mean waiting until marriage or waiting until you are in a committed long-term (more than a few months) relationship with someone who shares your values.

There are many different reasons to choose abstinence it could be because of respect for your family values, your religious beliefs, or most importantly protecting yourself from unwanted pregnancies and STIs, find your reason. It is important to discuss your decision to abstain from sex with your partner before things get serious. Go over what are appropriate ways of displaying affection and what things are off limits. If your partner doesn’t respect your decisions then he/she doesn’t respect you!
Studies have shown that when teens that were abstinent have sex they don’t always use protection. Even if you are a virgin you never know who your partner has slept with and if they are infected with sexually transmitted diseases and there is always a chance of becoming pregnant. Talk to your parents, doctor, nurse, or other trusted adult. They can help you decide when is a right time for you to become sexually active and help you stay safe! If you are considering becoming sexually active or have already become sexually active contact the local health department for resumes and testing information.

Can I become abstinent if I’ve already had sex before? And how do I say “NO”?         
Yes, you can decide to abstain from sex whenever you want even if you have already been sexually active. It is your choice and your partner should respect your decision. Make sure you discuss with your current partner or new partner why you want to abstain from sex and stand by your choice. Also make sure the two of you talk about what is allowed, for example is kissing ok but not touching below the belt?

By talking about how you feel with your partner it should be easier to say no. When things heat up between you two make sure they listen when you say its time to stop. If your partner just isn’t getting the message or keeps trying to persuade you or make you feel guilty for not going further than its time to find someone else! Your boyfriend or girlfriend should always respect your decisions and stand by you.

I want to talk to my parents about sex and dating but I don’t know how?
Start of the conversation by telling your parents you just have questions and that you aren’t necessarily having sex or planning on having sex anytime soon. Next, try to understand their perspective. What are their expectations for you? Do you think that these expectations are realistic? What are they worried about? What are they trying to protect you from? Once you understand this, you can start to negotiate—respectfully—for a little more space. You can find ways to calm their fears, maybe by dating in groups, for example. Start small and work your way up. Once you earn their trust, many parents will reward you with more freedom.

I have been talking to an older guy who says he really wants to date me, what should I do?
First you should ask yourself some questions about your partner and your relationship with them. The most important being, will my parents approve? Why is this person into me (have/are they dating people their own age)? What kind of activities can we do together if I’m not old enough to drive, go to clubs, or stay out past curfew?

Dating can be hard at times especially when there is a wide age range between partners. It is important to consider a few issues that might arise in a relationship including power struggles, intimacy and emotional differences. You should be reminded that people of different ages might want different things out of a relationship. People range in maturity levels so talk to a respected adult and seek some advice so you can make a decision that is right for you!

What is the best way to protect myself from pregnancy and STIs?
If you are not ready to raise a child and you want to protect yourself from diseases like herpes and HIV/AIDS that stay with you for a lifetime then abstinence is the best choice. Abstinence is the only 100% effective method for protection from both unwanted pregnancies and Sexually Transmitted Infections. Condoms provide the next best protection from STIs and pregnancy but are NOT 100% effective. Other forms of birth control such as the pill and Depo-Provera shot ONLY protect against unwanted pregnancy (so you could be exposed to harmful STIs). Like condoms, the pill and Depo-Provera are NOT 100% effective!

What is the difference between STDs and STIs?
The terms Sexually Transmitted Disease and Sexually Transmitted Infection are used interchangeably to mean a virus, bacteria, or parasite that can be passed from person to person through sexual contact (vaginal, anal, and/or oral sex). Because many people with STDs/STIs do not show visible signs of the illness doctors and other health professionals began using the term STI instead of STD.  The term STI is more fitting because a person who has an infection does not necessarily show signs or symptoms but can still pass the infection on to others. A person suffering from a disease however technically means that the infection is causing the person to feel sick or notice that something is wrong (sores, warts, discharge are examples). It is fine to use either term when talking about an illness spread through sexual contact because most people understand that STDs and STIs are basically the same thing. 

Can a girl become pregnant the first time she has sex?
Yes, it only takes one time, one egg, and one sperm. Any time a couple has sex there is a chance of becoming pregnant. This is true even if the girl has not gotten her period yet, or she is on her period when she has unprotected sex. If there is a chance for sperm to enter the woman’s vagina then pregnancy is possible, which is why reliable birth control methods should always be used.  This includes abstinence, the only 100% effective method of protection against unplanned pregnancies and STIs. 

Can you get an STI from oral sex?
Yes, Sexual Transmitted Infections can be passed from partner to partner through vaginal, anal, AND oral sex! If you and your partner engage in oral sex you could be at risk for catching herpes, gonorrhea, hepatitis B, syphilis, and even HIV. If you are having oral sex, contact the local health department for confidential advice on how to protect yourself. (540)574-5100